Over the weekend, a friend and i read a list of “75 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do,” most of which I found myself agreeing with. And of course, because I am a girl who loves lists, my next step was to find an equivalent mandate for women. I did find a few – but none that I truly liked, “clicked with,” so here’s my take on it. 75 things a woman should be able to do. (Some of these are my own concoctions, some were suggestions from friends, and some were taken/tweaked from other lists I found around the internets.) As with the list for men, this is something of a process, something to aspire to.

A woman should be able to:

1. Be confident without makeup. I love make-up as much as the next Cindi Lauper wanna-be, so don’t misunderstand me here: I’m not saying women shouldn’t wear makeup. I’m saying that if, for whatever reason, you find you have to go without it, you should stand tall. And don’t apologize for not wearing it. It’s your face – not a crime.

2. Cook a balanced meal – one that involves the stove or oven, not the microwave. I know some women will take umbrage at this, but hear me out. Cooking well doesn’t mean you’re someone else’s domestic, and it doesn’t mean you’ve back-slidden against women’s lib. It means you love your existence enough to feed it well.

3. Be a buddy. Be the kind of person who can enjoy the game, watch an action movie, or go along on a trip to REI — the kind of person who can do things she doesn’t love for the sake of the people she does.

4. Hold an infant. Not because it’s maternal, because it’s human. Holding a baby will not magically make you want to have children and put all other life goals on hold. The baby is the impressionable one.

5. Know her way around a gym. Know how to use a few of the weight and cardio machines. As we get older, our bodies rely more and more on weight-bearing exercise. On the off-chance you ever find yourself in a place where you can’t go jogging (Boston in the winter, anyone?), you shouldn’t be intimidated at a gym.

6. Say no – convincingly. Firm doesn’t mean you’re being mean. It means you’re being genuine. Passivity has no place these days.

7. Understand how her car works. You don’t need to know every detail, and you don’t need to be able to fix it yourself (though that’s a great bonus), but if you have a car, you should understand roughly what’s going on with it.

8. Understand how her computer works. Same principle as the car. It’s something that belongs to you, it’s a part of your life; there is no good reason not to understand how to use it and keep it running well.

9. Decorate a room. Color schemes, fabrics, paint, etc. Look in magazines and online for ideas – once you start, it’s a lot easier than you might think.

10. Not talk during movies. Just watch. The thing was made to be understood – everything will be explained. If it isn’t by the end, then ask questions.

11. Be an informed voter. Know about more than just the media’s sensational cover stories. Know which issues matter to you, know who supports them, and know why you support who you support. If you can’t do that, don’t vote and don’t complain that this country is run by men.

12. Know who her congressman, governor, and the president are. Even if you aren’t into the political scene, and you’re happy with pearls and a vacuum, there’s no reason to be ignorant.

13. Go out alone. Whether it be to the movies, to dinner, or just for a walk downtown.

14. Walk in heels. Even if you are “against” them, or if you never want to wear them. They’re perceived as sophisticated and feminine, and if you ever find yourself standing in front of a pair, you shouldn’t be intimidated.

15. Walk past a mirror without looking. Checking before you leave home is a must, and occasional glances throughout the day are fine, but every tinted window or mirror you pass — it’s a bit much.

16. Dress appropriately. Dress with the following in mind, in this order: your age, the setting/crowd, the weather/environment.

17. Read a map.

18. Clean a bathroom. You have one, I guarantee it.

19. Interact with children. The “I don’t deal well with kids” line is getting old. Learn how. They’re people, too.

20. Handle silence. Most of the women I know claim this: “I don’t mind silence, but I talk because I’m afraid the other people do.” They don’t. All silence isn’t awkward; just let it be.

21. Keep a conversation going. But sometimes, talking is necessary, and silence then can be just as awkward as bad small talk. Know the kinds of questions to ask, the kinds of open answers to give, and the kinds of topics to avoid.

22. Sew a button. This seems to be on everyone’s list, and I have to agree. If you’re old enough to vote, drink and rent a car, you’re old enough to not make Mom sew on buttons for you.

23. Assemble “some assembly required” furniture. It’s not rocket science. It has a manual.

24. Not offer advice. Sometimes what people really need is just to be listened to and hugged.

25. Offer good advice. But if you have to offer advice, make sure it’s tried and true. If you don’t have any of that, see #24.

26. Prepare a 1040-EZ tax form. It’s called EZ for a reason.

27. Compensate for her weak points. A friend of mine has the sense of direction of a piece of lettuce, but she knows it. So she never leaves home without writing down clear directions, a phone number to call in case she needs to, and a map (and, now, her GPS). Yes, it’d be nice if we could correct and eliminate our weak points, but I give tons of props to this friend for knowing how to get by in spite of hers.

28. Tie a man’s tie. It’s just cute, and you know it.

29. Dress up. Know what kind of event you’re going to, what kind of dress is required, and the make-up, shoes and jewelry needed for the occasion. On the one hand, when you feel good, you look good. On the other hand, when you look great, it’s hard not to feel great. Let yourself turn a head or two.

30. Support something. Within your financial and time constraints, there should be one thing that you care strongly about and keep yourself educated about. It could be your kids’ schools, your local police, UNICEF, whatever. Find something that matters to you.

31. Say “thank you.” When someone holds a door open for you, when your assistant brings you your messages, when your husband gives cooking dinner his best shot. If you can’t say thank you for this sort of thing, your sense of entitlement might be misguided.

32. Price things. As in, understand what you buy. Pay for value, pay for name, pay for whatever matters to you – but understand where the price you are paying fits in with the price of other items.

33. Know her tools. Philip’s head vs. flat-head. Wrench vs. ratchet. Hammer vs. nail.

34. Understand various types of loans, your interest rates, and your credit score. Most Americans are in some kind of debt, so even if you aren’t currently, you probably will be one day. Know what you’re up against.

35. Know when to not talk about herself. Key moments for this include while someone is crying about him/herself, while someone is relishing in a personal triumph, and during the big game.

36. Cry. Maybe not in public, and maybe not in front of just anybody, but don’t be the kind of person who doesn’t recognize sadness in a proper place.

37. Be happy for someone else. Especially someone who’s younger, prettier and happier than you. It’s your own jealousy and bad attitude that’s keeping you in second place.

38. Play poker. Keep a straight face. No. Matter. What.

39. Talk to the new kid. They’re more uncomfortable than you are, and they would love a friend right now. Go up, introduce yourself, and start a conversation.

40. Keep a secret. And by that I mean a secret that isn’t yours.

41. Buy a car (at least know how). Know the market, know what you need, know what you want, and know what you can afford.

42. Calculate the tip. Take the total and move the decimal over one to the left. 10%. double that. 20%. Tip.

43. Defend herself, or be ready to scream like all-get out. Recently, a woman in my neighborhood was attacked from behind and the guy threw a thin wire around her neck. She ducked and shoved him off, and he ran away — it’s like the mere threat of resistance was enough.

44. Be able to recognize and discuss at least three classic pieces of art, music and literature. If you don’t know where to start, start googling: Monet, Rembrandt, Picasso; Mozart, Beethoven, Handel; Homer, Shakespeare, Twain. Jane Austen doesn’t count unless you’ve read the books.

45. Confront someone when necessary. Whether it be firing someone, telling someone they’ve made you uncomfortable, or asking for the right change, find your voice.

46. Know where north is. Because there’s always that one pretentious guy who gives directions like: “east on Main Street, north on Second.”

47. Plan a party. It may seem like an outdated point, and maybe you hate the stereotype, but the truth is, people remember whether or not a woman does this well.

48. Hail a cab.

49. Change a tire.

50. Drive a stick-shift.

51. Lose gracefully. There’s no need for pouting, self-justifying, or qualifying your opponent’s win. Just smile, hold out your hand, and say “good job.”

52. Win gracefully. Perhaps even more important than losing well is winning well. There’s no need for gloating, self-aggrandizing or highlighting your opponent’s weaknesses. Just smile, hold out your hand, and say “good game.” And mean it.

53. Let a man help her. You are liberated, strong and free. If letting a man help you with something changes your mind about that, you aren’t as free as you think. He’s probably stronger physically, possibly taller, and four hands are better than two. Get over it.

54. Barbecue. Set up the grill – coals, propane and all – and cook the meat.

55. Kill a bug (or carry/brush it outside). Yes, some insects are more intimidating than others, but none of them are bigger than you and the bottom of your shoe.

56. Change her mind. You don’t want to be flaky, sure, but you should be able to recognize when your first choice wasn’t your best one, and be comfortable adjusting your opinion/plan/idea/choice accordingly without being defensive. There is no shame in saying “I use to think X, but now I think Y.”

57. Get a job. Even if you don’t need to work, you should still be able to — you should have an employable ability, resume/CV, and the interview skills needed to get a job. You just never know.

58. Tell the truth kindly. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be brutal. And being nice doesn’t mean you have to lie.

59. Stand up for her friends. They are as flawed, erroneous and complicated as you are. But they are your friends, the people counting on you to have their back when no one else does.

60. Give a massage.

61. Do minor household repairs. Fix the toilet, change a light bulb, reset the breaker, light the pilot light.

62. Iron a dress shirt. No, it’s not terribly fun. That doesn’t make it any less crucial.

63. Know her surroundings. Particularly when walking alone – know where you are and where other people are in relation to you.

64. Remove a stain. Know if you need hot water (most things) or cold water (tomatoes, blood); soap (grease), rubbing alcohol (ink), bleach, or something else.

65. Bargain. Whether it be asking for a discount on a piece of clothing with a slight flaw or negotiating salary for a new job, don’t flinch.

66. Relinquish the center of attention. Practice steering the limelight away from yourself, even in your own mind.

67. Resist temptation (or at least surrender on her own terms). Know the difference between need and want – especially when you’re spending money.

68. RSVP. If the host cares enough to invite you, you should care enough to let them know whether or not you’re coming.

69. Let go gracefully. Sometimes it seems like women are hardwired to be clingy. But sometimes (not always, of course) there comes a time when you just need to let go – of your point, of your feelings, of a person, of a thing, and so on. Sometimes you save one thing by letting go of another at the right moment.

70. Perform CPR.

71. Bake one dessert really well. For potlucks, house parties, or nights in. Find something you like and something a little special (something everyone doesn’t eat all the time). A box of brownies, for example, does not count. Blackberry cobbler does.

72. Take a compliment. Yes, they meant it. No, they do not need you to enlighten them about the true situation. Your response is simple: “Thank you” and a warm smile.

73. Give a compliment. “Well done” or “That’s a really nice ____,” are viable options. You haven’t lost any of your power by admitting that someone else did something right or has something nice.

74. Talk with kings. Okay, that’s a little melodramatic, but the root is good. Be able to converse with people in positions higher than yours with confidence, poise, and dignity — regardless of your status. Few things make you more attractive than the mastery of this.

75. Talk with laymen. They aren’t beneath you, and they’re probably as smart as you are. But even if they aren’t, they don’t deserve a snub, and they don’t deserve to be patronized. Converse with them as with your equals. Mastery of this is one of the few things more attractive than the mastery of talking with kings.